my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
