my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
