Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
