i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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