my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
