I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
