I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
