At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
