you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
