I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
