I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
