i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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