if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
