Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
