...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
