so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
