Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
