so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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