If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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