I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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