i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
