I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want to make out with him forever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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