When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize