Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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