There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
