Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
