He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
