hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
