who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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