Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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