Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
