Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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