I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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