McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
