i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
