Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
