I intend to get homeless drunk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
