don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
