??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
