some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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