They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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