Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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