Can Purell be used as lube?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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