I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
