I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
