1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
