Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
