dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
