I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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