paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
