Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
