Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
