i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
