My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
God I need to hump something, right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
