Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
