are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
