The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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