I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
