Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
