I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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