Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize