New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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