So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
