That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
