What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
