We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
