I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
