Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
