oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
