Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
