i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
