I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize