Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
