Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
