I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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