Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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