Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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