Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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