Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
