please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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