He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Four minutes until I can fart!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
