Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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